KRAZEE kittens

Two of the four kittens are still at my house. They are patiently waiting for their new owners to come and get them. In the meantime, they are driving me KRAZEE! They are babies, I get that… but for the love of god can they stay off my curtains/ottoman/couch/dining room table/countertops/computer keyboard/dryer/tv/wii fit board/dvd player? GAWD.

And as cute as they are, hanging out by my bedroom door, sticking their little paws underneath while meowing is getting a little old. Especially at 2:30 am.  But it’s way better than the “let’s fight in a paperbag all night” events. Which is really really great (by the way).

What do Americans do without decimals?

Ok, it is no surprise that I hate my algebra class. I loathe its very existence. I look at the syllabus and want to drown myself in a huge barrel of beer. The worst part about it, besides the combination of letters and numbers in a mathmatical equation, are the fractions. Come on America! Are we living in the 1800’s without calculators? Can you please step up to the rest of the world and ditch the freakin fractions!

It doesn’t help that the textbook sucks ass either. My discussions in the classroom (online – so it’s all typing) look like a foreign language. Do I care what the sqrt of 80^2 * the sqrt of 160^15 equals? No. Will I ever need to know the volume of a tree? (you heard me correctly). Algebra is not needed in the modern times.

My discussion questions for this week deal with quadratic equations. How do you know if a quadratic equation will have one, two or no solutions? Um… How does this affect my daily life? How am I personally affected by quadratic equations. What’s really funny though, is the thought that is put into why algebra makes sense in real life. Well, I can’t tell you how many times I have wondered to myself (while hiking in the redwoods no less) “i wonder what the volume of that tree is?” It’s ridiculous that this thought would ever enter anyone’s head!

Algebra is dumb.

Is that any way to answer a question?

I overheard two men talking on the train this morning. One guy asked the other “how are you?” the man responded ‘well, it’s Friday.’  I had to turn my head to see the bumpus that spoke those words.  What exactly does that mean? That is no way to answer a question. I find this so irritating! Just answer the question! Don’t make us guess how you are feeling – or is it that you think no one gives a crap anyway?

People usually don’t believe me when I tell them I am incredibly shy. I am slowly earning self esteem, but I really don’t have the confidence in myself to start a conversation etc.  Fortunately, I had parents who forced me to have good social skills. They forced me to be nice to people, to look people in the eye when I had conversations with them. I feel I was lucky to have parents who cared what other people thought.  My parents wanted to have kids who were well liked – mom always said it was for our sake. I think she knew it would make our lives easier. There were societal standards to live up to. Expectations. Consequences for our actions. She was right.

I am raising my children with those same expectations. When someone asks you a question, you can answer any way you feel, but you must say something. Because of this, my children respond when people ask them questions. They know how to order food in a restaurant; they know how to ask for more water; they are well liked. I am also teaching my children how to be comfortable NOT answering a question. That it is okay for them to say “I don’t want to answer that question.” They may not be rude about it, they must use their manners – but no one is going to force them to answer a question they aren’t comfortable answering. This may not be relevant to their age today, but it will be relevant later in life. Not only will they know how to be respectful of the other person, but more importantly they will be conscious and respectful  of their own feelings.

In today’s society, nobody gives a shit anymore. You can answer a question with “well, it’s Friday” and get away with it. I think it’s crap.

How much is enough?

We’ve reached an all time low point of stupidity in the business of this “divorce.” I was approached today about how we would be splitting the wooden spoons. And picture frames. And the dishes. It’s not that I care, these are merely things that can be replaced. What matters is the manner with which these items are brought up. I liken it to being surprised by a pie in the face. One moment, I’m moving laundry from room to room – the next moment, I’m discussing spoons.

As far as I’m concerned, all of the things can go. I don’t really care. However, I do care about how these discussions are handled and the way they affect me. On the recent trip back home, I had an epiphany (I’m having these a lot lately)… I was really angry with life in general. At every point, someone else was worried about Michael’s feelings – they were concerned for him. Yet, in my perception, there wasn’t a lot of verbal concern for me or my feelings. Then I realized that I was angry because I was still concerned about his feelings. I put his feelings above my own. That’s why I was angry; I couldn’t put my own feelings above him and was mad with RAGE because everyone else in our lives was concerned abou him. I put my feelings below everyone else. I think moms do this a lot. I have two children to raise, their feelings and needs come before mine. But my ex-husband? Who the fuck does he think he is? Who the fuck do I think he is?

He’s not been the best husband, but he’s not been the worst husband either. We just don’t work – we tried and tried… but could never get it right. He blames me for the breakdown of our marriage, I see it as two people failing. He wants to see me “pay” for mistakes… I want to move on. He can have the dishes, the glassware, the spoons; he just won’t have my regard for his feelings. I need to save that for me.

If I wrote a letter to myself…

I would tell myself…

…to go to University directly out of high school. It doesn’t matter if you do not know what you want to be when you grow up. You will appreciate that degree so much when you are in your 30’s and wanting employers to take you seriously.  Plus, you’ll already have it tucked under your belt and won’t have to spend your evenings doing homework.

…to enjoy the relationship with your brother. He’s the only other person in the whole world with the same exact gene pool as you. He knows more than you think. He’s smart and funny and talented

…Samantha is not as good a friend as you think she is. She is selfish and vain. Don’t get me wrong, she’ll be tons of fun – but she will never be a true friend. Stop trying to impress her, it isn’t going to happen.

…to stay as far away from Matt T as possible. He will rip your heart out and stomp on it – not once but twice. He will treat you like crap and never look back.

…no matter how much it scares you, you need to get out there and live.

…money is not necessary for a happy fulfilling life.

…to travel. You NEED to.

…that no matter how attractive living in California seems you will be lonely and miserable being so far away from your home.

…to convince him to move.

…that motherhood is the hardest thing you will ever do in your life.

…that you will never love anyone or anything as much as you love your children.

…patience is a virtue. You will need every ounce of patience for your children.

…marriage is not easy. It will challenge you everyday and it is hard work keeping it working.

…that it is okay if you don’t fit in. In fact, in your life you will rarely fit in. It really is not worth the struggle.

…you need to let things go. It’s not worth keeping everything bottled up inside. You will be happier for it.

…trust your instints