I think this word exactly describes how I am feeling today. I’ve got the “i don’t give a shit” attitude today and nothing can be done to stop it.
A long time friend is going through some major stuff today. Her mom died yesterday and I just don’t know how to help her through it. Unfortunately, I cannot fly to be with her – so I’m stuck on my end, feeling like I need to be there but knowing that I can’t possibly make it.
My reasons for not going are completely selfish. My parents are leaving Canada to drive down here on Saturday and I can’t miss work now, otherwise I won’t have any time available when they are here. I see my parents MAYBE twice a year – I need to see them.
So of course, all of this swirly head thinking led me to an outburst of monstrous proportions last night. Poor Michael. I won’t get into details, but we both left the conversation feeling pretty crappy. He is a fixer. There is nothing he can do to fix this and that leaves him feeling helpless. I am a complainer. I felt better after complaining and crying and blubbering – but now I’m just sad.
I’m sad for my friend.