May 8, 2007 at 3:37 pm (Friends)

I think this word exactly describes how I am feeling today.  I’ve got the “i don’t give a shit” attitude today and nothing can be done to stop it.

A long time friend is going through some major stuff today.  Her mom died yesterday and I just don’t know how to help her through it.  Unfortunately, I cannot fly to be with her – so I’m stuck on my end, feeling like I need to be there but knowing that I can’t possibly make it. 

My reasons for not going are completely selfish.  My parents are leaving Canada to drive down here on Saturday and I can’t miss work now, otherwise I won’t have any time available when they are here.  I see my parents MAYBE twice a year – I need to see them. 

So of course, all of this swirly head thinking led me to an outburst of monstrous proportions last night.  Poor Michael.  I won’t get into details, but we both left the conversation feeling pretty crappy.  He is a fixer.  There is nothing he can do to fix this and that leaves him feeling helpless.  I am a complainer.  I felt better after complaining and crying and blubbering – but now I’m just sad.

I’m sad for my friend. 


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