Uh ok… I’m a month into my new position, in a new building, in a new city. I realize that “where I come from” is different than what I am witnessing right now. But I swear to all things lovely and beautiful that if one more person eats my lunch from the fridge – I WILL GO POSTAL (on their asses). I try not to swear on this site because goodness knows, my grandmother might read it – but I feel the need to curse up a storm!!!!
I was at an offsite meeting last week and happened to have 2 or 3 diet cokes in the fridge. When I came back after the meeting, all of the cans were gone. Ok… it’s soda – no big deal right? I mean, they are not good for me, so I should be thankful right? Wrong-o! I forgave the soda. I bring my lunch in, because I’m in the big city y’all!! It costs about 10 bucks for a sandwich. Uh..? Anyway, today I brought in washed grapes, in my own container, off the stem. Guess what??!!? Some total jackass ATE MY GRAPES!
Of course, I would love to go rambo up in here… but as I stated earlier, I’ve only been here a month. I do NOT want to be that person (whining about their red stapler from the boiler room in the basement) everyone stays away from because “she’s crazy.” But seriously… who does that? Who would reach into an unknown container and eat someone else’s food? Would you have the cajones to go into the fridge and take grapes (in a high-end container don’tcha know) and actually eat them? I know I don’t have the balls to do that! The savage I am dealing with wears extra large underwear.
I am at a loss as to what I should do. Here is where I need help internet. Aside from adding laxatives to my tasty meals (to deter further thieving) what can I do to stop this? Do I bring lockable containers? Where am I going to find lockable containers? Do I let my lunch get warm? I absolutely cannot carry anything else on the train – it slows me down. Everything must fit into my current bag. Do I just forage from the earth bringing nuts and berries? And what about my daily soda (to keep me awake mid-afternoon)??? Am I supposed to drink that warm? argh… Ok internet (all three of my loyal readers) – I need some suggestions!
In the meantime, I’m having the container dusted for fingerprints. SAVAGESSSSSSSS!!!!