I don’t even know where to start. I’m exhausted from the weekend and homework assignments that have kept me up until after 11:00 pm! I like my sleep, I become grumpy and disoriented without enough sleep. Last night, I got just over 5 hours of sleep. 5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See how important that was – check out all the exclamation marks!
Anyway, I lack the brain power for a complete post… so I’m doing a list:
- I started off okay today, then I got on the commuter train and happened to sit next to the stinkiest man – evah! He smelled like BO and dirty cigarette smoke. I’m sure he was a lovely person, I was in no mood for stinky this morning.
- I think my laptop is possessed. This morning, on the train, I had the big idea that I was going to finish some homework. I couldn’t turn it on, tried again, couldn’t get it to connect to the internet. Then the monitor flickered, then it shut itself off. I called Mikey for help, but there is only so much he can do. I know he’s probably going to fix my laptop – but it’s not stopping me from drooling over a new one. One that weighs less than 20 lbs…
- I had a great time visiting with Lori and her new little bambino this past weekend. He’s a doll and it was so nice to just hang out and talk. We have a lot of history together, I felt so comfortable being around her because of that history. We also laughed and laughed!! While visiting Iona and her mom, I told a story of when Michael and I went to Vegas and saw a burlesque show at the Forty Deuce. It’s fab there! Anyway, we started laughing and laughing. It’s too much to go into, but let’s just say it was hi-larious!
- I changed my major at school. I am actually taking classes that I like! Huzzah!
- I’m having a garage sale. Our garage is now full and we need to clear the crap. Besides, I have no place to put my fabulous lockers … hopefully I won’t have to negotiate with Brody and Evan on which crap I should keep versus sell.
- I have a lot of work to do, but lack the motivation to accomplish anything. My boss even suggested I come in late tomorrow… just so I can catch up on my sleep. I think I will take him up on it.
- We are slowly clearing the clutter out of our house. I’m totally revamping the boys’ room. I had Michael install shelves in the closet. I will (hopefully) be organizing (that’s code for throwing out) their toys tonight. I think we are going to take the desk apart for a while, the boys are only using it as a step stool to the higher walls and ceiling. They have enough crap in their room.
- I love the way my phone at work sounds when I hang it up. It’s got that delightful “click” when I set the handset back into the cradle. It’s the small things.
- Lori and I had pizza at this wood fired pizza place in Bellingham and the waiter (who was young enough to be my … um younger brother) flirted shamelessly with me. It’s good to be wanted. Oh and the pizza was good too. They have this amazing salad dressing… not to mention the added bonus of having cute waiters to make me feel ridiculous and old… it was great!
- Lori’s little man, the newest member of her herd, is absolutely gorgeous! He’s adorable and wee… and had that lovely baby smell.
- There is a woman at work who I love and hate at the same time. Is that possible? She’s so talented and smart… but then there are times when I want to push her out the window. Like today… because I have no patience for people right now.
- We are on the official countdown until the boys go to Canada. We leave in exactly 1 month!
- I’ve finally submitted tuition reimbursement forms for my work today! hello CASH!
- I have a lofty to-do list for this week and have managed to cross NOTHING off of it. Michael can check off “build shelves” because he’s the man!
- I met a really nice guy (who happens to be deaf) on the drive home from Washington. I always meet the most interesting people! I stopped for the night and went to the casino across the street (too tired to drive, but not too tired for blackjack!). We spent some time talking about our kids, our jobs, the cards (we were playing blackjack). Anyway, he taught me to swear in sign language. He also taught me other useful signs.. like ‘fart’ and “i like” – Brody is in the midst of their sign language project at school and I was the hero when i showed him how to sign “FART.”
There you have it… my week in bullet form.
My class on behavioral science is ending on Sunday. I’m excited because I’ve pretty much hated this class since day one. I am in the midst of writing my final paper and have had to do quite a bit of research into personalities etc. I’ve taken so many online personality tests and believe it or not, it’s been very helpful for me. I am now understanding how I operate. I am also understanding why I react to certain things the way I do.
I’ve never really paid attention to Psychology before. Never had an interest. During these past nine weeks I have come to discover that I study better with background noise. I respond more to music and smell than I do pictures and that I am often late with assignments because I need to make them perfect. sigh. I have also done quite a bit of research with my parents and have discovered that I spent a good portion of my childhood playing on my own. I preferred my own self over the company of others! Not anti-social… just introverted. I don’t find myself anti-social now, but I am definately better when I’m alone. I wondered if I was becoming more introverted as time progressed. According to mom, I have always been this way.
I took the Myers-Briggs test online and discovered that I am an INFP. We are a scarce breed, making up only about 1% of the population. I made Michael take the test and he’s an ENTJ (hardly more than 2% of the population). You can see that we only have one letter in common – the N stands for Intuitive. I’m introverted – he’s extroverted. We are both intuitive. I use feelings – he thinks. I use perception he uses judgement. According to the websites, etc. we are the least likely couple. To give you an example… Albert Einstein is a famous person with the same personality as Michael. Mary, the mother of jesus is my example.
This process of discovering our personalities with more depth is actually going to help us communicate better. As long as he’s willing to communicate with me. He’ll understand that I will rely on my feelings first and the feelings of others next and I’ll understand that he’ll use logic to analyze the situation first and not even worry about feelings.
I’ve had to interview a person for this paper and I chose a friend from work. In the pre-writing process I have discovered something very interesting. Maybe not to anyone but myself. Anyway, when I was around 5 or 6 (maybe older) my younger cousin (around 2 or 3) was involved in a very bad accident and received 3rd degree burns to 75% of her body. I distinctly remember the first time I saw her after the accident. She had bandages all over her arms and legs, her face was covered in bandages. Honestly, she looked like a mummy. My great uncle was trying to describe her situation so that we could better understand what had happened (we were kids, I’m sure he felt we were freaked out). He wanted me to hug her, I guess to show her love and support or maybe to reassure her. I remember that I couldn’t hug her. I wasn’t afraid of her or scared by her appearance, I was more afraid that I would hurt her and put her in more pain than she was already in. I remember wanting to take care of her and protect her. I also remember how my body ached. Literally. I could not ever imagine the pain she was in or the torture she went through. Her bandages had to be replaced often, she had skin grafts done. But I distinctly remember how my body hurt when I stood near her. I had not really ever thought about that day until today.
I realize now how intuitive I am and that I keep a wall up to protect myself. That wall is necessary in my life so that I don’t feel the pain of others. This wall protects me from pain and misery.
I remember the night my dad’s dad passed away. It was New Year’s Eve and I had tickets to a special event. I don’t remember who I was going with, but I remember getting on the city bus and arriving at the event. It was about 11:00 pm or so. I don’t think I attended with close friends, because I would have remembered who was there with me. I checked my coat and had maybe 1 or 2 beers. By about 11:30 – 11:45 I was sick. Very very sick that I needed to take a cab home. I wasn’t drunk – but I was going to be physically sick. (I’ve had stomach issues my whole life, I’m a puker. Always have been.) I got home and went to bed only to wake up to the phone ringing, my dad called me at 7:00 am on New Year’s Day to tell me his dad had passed away. I stayed home from work for the whole week. I could not stop crying, my heart ached and hurt so much. I don’t remember eating that week either. That’s not like me at all. That was the week I finished construction on my wall – January 1995. My mom’s dad died later that year and I was affected, but not to the extent as when my dad’s dad passed.
I love figuring out who I am. For so many years, I neglected this part of myself. I pushed feelings, emotions and gut instincts down. I was trying to be a part of the fun group (or group I thought was having fun) in order to get out of my own reality. What I wished I had realized back then was that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.
My parents are enjoying a long weekend this weekend. It’s the Victoria Day long weekend in Canada and the whole family is at their acreage enjoying the warm weather. On Monday, they will celebrate their 35th wedding anniversary (I’m 36) and I want to say “Congratulations!” I also wanted to comment on how they could even stand each other after three and a half decades… but felt it would be rude and so very common of me. 🙂
Then again, they can stand me after three and a half decades…
I am addicted to the craigslist “free” section. I cannot help myself. I have a browser open all day and refresh it through out the day. I find myself going home and opening the website at home so I can monitor the activities. It’s a whole other world people. I love reading the ads, last night I saw an ad titled “free gym staff” and I was anxious to find out who was getting rid of their employees. I opened the ad and realized someone had misspelled stuff… I was so disappointed!
There was one ad a few days ago that was so incredibly honest – it made me laugh. The people writing these ads just want this crap gone. They are making the sale!! This woman was trying to get rid of this old crappy couch and had written on the ad “not very comfortable, but with a slip cover and some new cushions it would be great for someone!” I think she might need to work on her sales tactics.
There are tons of ads for free dirt. Basically, people want you to come by their house and dig up their yard – for free. You can take all the dirt you want, but you’ve gotta remove it. Who is doing this? There are tons of ads for “free wood” as well. Again… craigslist posters must think the rest of the community is stooopid! Free wood “pieces” from our “deck” in small “1 foot lengths.” Soooo, I guess I’m coming to your back yard to pick up all the crap left over from building your deck?
A few days ago – I scored BIG time on craigslist. I found a very sturdy set of wooden lockers complete with keys! I have no idea where we are going to put it – or what we are going to do with it… but I just had to have it. Michael picked it up yesterday – these pictures do not do it justice! Of course you ask “but where will you put it?” and I’m telling you – leave that up to me! I have ways of making this work! I would love to put it in the boys room because I think it’s a really cool storage area. I can imagine Brody locking Evan into one of the lockers and then losing the key.
Right now this beauty is sitting in our backyard waiting. Now, if you’ll excuse me – I found a free hot tub on craigslist and I need to make arrangements for pick up.
Usually we like to do crafts on the weekend. Around Christmas time we made styrofoam snowmen. Brody’s had a top hat and Evan’s head was at the top of a long bamboo stick (that him neck – Evan said). This past weekend I bought new paints and huge poster board – I thought we could have some fun! Boy, was I right!
These pictures define how different my boys are from each other. In a lot of ways they are very similar – like their whining and nagging. But they are polar opposites. Take for instance, Evan’s Alien (as seen below). There is no rhyme or reason to it, not a single solitary color was used by itself – all colors MUST be used in conjunction with another color.
He gave the alien eyes… so what if they aren’t the same size?
Here’s Brody’s alien. Complete with a top hat and a friend. They must have been attending a formal function.
They also have very different methods for keeping their paint in order. Brody prefers to have a dab of each color. Unless you want to hear whining of intense proportions – do NOT even think about letting the paints touch each other. Notice…
The next exhibit picture is of Evan’s “paint tray.”
Same gene pool? You decide.
It has been so warm these past few days that I decided to let my legs see the light of day. I took this picture with my cell phone at lunch yesterday. I walked to Whole Foods(fancy! – the only place around with a quart of strawberries for $10) and wondered if I was blinding the drivers with my ultra white legs. I used to spend all summer trying to get a tan – a situation that always ended on a bad note for me. Sunburn remedy? I know every single one. I wish y’all could see my shoes because they are super cute! An Aldo opened in our local mall – just in the knick of time! Apparently, they’d been there for two years – but I don’t get out much. Anyway, I was having a shoe emergency and happened upon these little beauties. You can’t see it, but these have a wedge heal. NICE.
For me, Mother’s Day is all about sleeping in. I don’t need big fancy gifts. I don’t need a card from my husband. Just let me sleep for an extra 1/2 an hour!
I prefer handmade gifts. I prefer some thought and effort when it comes to presents. I will cherish their homemade gifts for my entire life – a bouquet of flowers dies in 4 days. Evan made me a little fridge magnet that looks like a flower – the center of the flower is a picture of him. Brody made me a card at school but can’t find it. I think I might know where it is – I have to find it because he was so sad! After searching the entire truck for his card he ended up flopping himself in his bed – crying. 😦
I tend to do a lot of reflection on Mother’s Day. I’m not going to admit that I might do a little spreadsheet of pros and cons – no no – just kidding! I do love being a mother—It’s challenging and rewarding. In fact, it is the hardest job I have ever had. I always giggle during job interviews when they want an example of resolving a customer issue; I think back to the numerous times I’ve had to take 2 sets of lego wheels away from the boy who has hoarded them and give them to the child who is whining and crying because he has none. Every mom has times when they want to spend ONE day alone – doing whatever they feel like doing, rather than what they HAVE to do. It’s hard to get times like that as a mom. I think about how I used to sleep on Sunday and lounge around all day doing nothing. I totally took those days for granted.
I always knew I wanted children; I used to think that I probably would not find a life partner but would have a baby and raise it baby on my own. I’m glad I have Michael and the boys – knowing what I know now, there is no way I could have done this kid thing on my own. Honestly, had we not gotten pregnant with Evan accidentally – I doubt I would have had a second child. Pregnancy and I just didn’t agree with one another. As it turns out, Evan is my best accident ever! Children are a lot of work, no matter how easy some people think it is to be a parent! Hard work, long hours, no pay – it’s a tough gig. The benefits are what keep you going. I laugh everyday, I’ve always got a story to tell, I’ve got a huge book of experiences and memories that I can refer to whenever I need to laugh or cry. (and I have decorative rocks stuck to my sidewalk with elmer’s glue)
I never realized how difficult being a mom would be. I am suddenly ashamed of myself for all the crap I put my mother (and father) through. Temper tantrums, whining, lying, fighting with my brother – and that was all in one day! I am sure there were days when she wanted to walk out the door and never look back. And really, who could blame her? I ended up being almost exactly like my father and grandfather before him. Headstrong and mouthy – with an attitude. I want to publically thank her for not beating the crap out of me every single day. She had every right to. Back then, my mom had a weapon – at a very early age, she put the fear of “dad” into us. He never hit us, but it was the thought of being spanked. He was a big guy with a big voice – he could scare the crap out of us. I remember one instance when I threw up – the anxiety of waiting for him to come home so I could be punished actually made me throw up. I remember my parents walking into my room and finding me sleeping in a pile of chicken noodle soup.
My kids, well, they think Michael and I are stupid and that we are losing our hearing (and they aren’t even teenagers!). Both children are guilty of smart mouthing us or repeating themselves a million times because they think we didn’t hear them the first 100 times. Today has been a day from hell. I have a paper due (it’s the 2nd to last week of this block of classes – I HATE ELECTIVE CLASSES) and it’s mother’s day. For me, it really hasn’t been anything special. I did (and am doing) a million loads of laundry, trying to research a paper on Antisocial Personality Disorder, making dinner AND relax before I have to work next week. I am not ungrateful – it’s just how my days usually go. I’m either working at my job or I’m working at my house.
For better or worse, I fulfilled my parents’ dream for me – I had children who are behaving exactly as I did when I was their age.
This past week was insane around my house. We (that’s the proverbial we) helped our niece with her children – I did so much laundry! Laundry is my nemesis and I despise it with the passion of a thousand burning suns. But, it’s what she needed help with – so that’s what I did.
We have big plans for the weekend. Tonight – the boys are spending the night over at the hippies house and Michael is taking me to a Giants baseball game. Tomorrow – we are spending the day at his office boxing up crap to move into his new space. He’s renting an office from a friend for a couple of months. This is a good thing, because his office is a disaster and he needs to throw some crap OUT! Sunday – I have a paper due. Did I mention how much I hate elective courses? I just did a PowerPoint presentation last night… on Psychological disorders. uh. I can’t stand elective classes.
I think I might have received my mother’s day gift last night – the USB harddrive that I use to store my music, pictures and digital scrapbooking stuff on died and Michael bought me a badass new one. 320 GB thank you very much. Although I appreciate it so much (because I would die without those electronic files) I am hoping that one day he’ll be less practical with my gifts and become whimsical when he chooses something for me. I won’t go into the details about when I got an air compressor for my birthday. Who cares if I wanted one?
I have finally made plans for the Memorial Day long weekend. I will be heading up to the Pacific Northwest to see my girl Lori and become acquainted with her tidy bundle of joy – she had a baby boy a few weeks ago and I’m desperate to smell his head. 🙂 Depending on Michael’s plans, I might bring my Brody-man with me. He’s a great road tripper (as long as he’s busy) and this will be a great trip for both of us. Who knows, daddy might take them camping to Yosemite.
We are making the final arrangements for driving the boys to Canada to spend the summer with my parents. Last night I asked Brody how long he wanted to go for and he said 5 months. Then his dad told me that I had to use days, because Brody recognizes the length of days. I told him I wanted him and Evan to go to Canada for 60 days and he said “whew… that’s kind of a long time.” We are hoping to re-do our flooring in the house while they are gone and I would LOVE to not have to pay for childcare for two months. 🙂 We’ll see. I think Brody would be fine up there for that length of time – I think Evan might have a hard time. But, this is good for them and it’s good for my parents. They don’t really get to spend a lot of time with my boys and I cannot stress enough how important that grandchild/grandparent relationship is.
I only wish I could go for two months. Sigh.
I will still be in school for the summer. I’m a little tired of it and I wish it would go away. I realize how important it is to obtain this degree – but man… I’m worn out! Also, I’m totally dreading my next two classes. I’m not exactly sure of the titles (ha) but I know they both have to do with numbers. My memories of math include the torture of high school math and the ridiculousness of figuring out the train system. I was reading the syllabus for the basic math class and apparently I’m going to be learning fractions! I think I would rather have my toenails ripped out.
So, is an energy drink and M&M’s a good choice for lunch? I don’t feel like having anything else.
I am finally over the “i am so bored with all music” phase that I’ve been in for the past two months. It was getting really rough for me. I am a very musical person and I need to listen to music every single day. So of course this phase passes and my ear is so plugged up that I cannot hear – hence I cannot listen to music. I do have a delightful ringing in my ear that increases the moment I speak or hear anyone else speaking. I wonder if I’ll miss it when it’s gone? I sit across from a woman who has constant ringing in her ears (both of them). I wonder how she can read a book?
Speaking of books, I’m still reading Stiff by Mary Roach. It’s a hard book to get through because the only time I have to read is during lunch – and this is NOT a “read at lunch” kind of book. I just got passed the part where she discusses human cannibalism. blech.
Mom and Dad just got back from Hawaii and apparently my mom had to buy another suitcase to bring all of her “things” back. She is krazee like that. She bought the boys this little hawaiian shirt and short set. It’s adorable.
So that has been my week… no kidding I wasn’t blogging right? Whew… this stuff is more boring than watching paint dry. Speaking of paint… I am starting to paint the boys’ room this weekend. We are going to go slow – first I’ll patch all the holes in the walls, then I’ll prime with a mold resistent primer, then I’ll tape the horizontal stripes… then hopefully sometime around December, I’ll actually begin painting! HA! I’m just kidding… I think it will take a couple of weekends. I’ll post before and after photos.
I have been told the repairs on the car will be around 8 grand. I guess the driver side door needs to be replaced along with the front quarter panel. At that point, the estimator wasn’t even finished looking at the car. I was mortified (to say the least). But not as mortified as when I picked up the rental car.
Michael was very funny on the way home. As some of you might know – he’s written off two cars in the past few years. I told him the “estimator” or “property damage specialist” was approving the repairs today Michael piped up (as if he was me – talking to buddy) “so, tell me what is the process now? Because we usually total vehicles completely – we aren’t really sure of the process of fixing and returning the car back to it’s owner.” (while he was making those little quote signs with his fingers). Hmmm you might have had to be there.
So I went to get the rental car today because Michael wants to go shooting tomorrow and I need to go to the fabric store (he shudders when he hears those words out of my mouth). I can’t walk there – so we got the car. I specifically told the rental car dude that I needed a full size vehicle because I have two children in car seats – we cannot be in a tin can with 3 chipmunks (Alvin, Theordore and Simon) running the engine. He assured me that I would be getting a full size car. Low and behold… I’m driving a Ford Focus.
I’m not even a man, but if I had a manhood – this car would challenge my manhood. Michael said he could feel his balls shrivel as I drove up. (I’m usually not this vulgar!). I could barely look other people in the eye – lest I recognize someone! I went to get a chicken taco salad (no beans please) and could NOT even turn around in the parking lot. The axle or something on this car would not let me make a quick turn. You know the turn… the “oh i’m in the wrong spot I gotta turn around” turn. I had to do a 3-point turn in a friggen parking lot! Of course, I’m slowly backing out (if I could hear anything, I bet this car has back up beeps) and in zips this beautiful little TT. I waited… like a little old lady for this car to zip by me. The focus does not even have automatic steering!
I’m usually not this vain, but the ford focus can do this to anyone! This was the “good” car in the lot. My other options where a Kia or a Hyundai. I’m going to leave that right there.
Anyway, I cannot wait until I get my precious beauty back from the shop. I told Michael I would like a little opalescence diamond coat on top. Maybe a little airbrushing on the hood…
Alright – the ear ache is still here. My ear does not ache as much as it did at the beginning of the week – but I definitely know my ear is achy. It is still congested and I can not hear out of it at all. Which isn’t all that bad. I sleep on my right side (my left ear is infected) – so when I put my head on that pillow, I can’t hear a darn thing! I’ve never had a better week of sleep!
I went in to work today, not wanting to work from home (am I crazy?). Work was okay, the commute (on a train that goes underground through tunnels) was insane! At one point, I could not hear out of either ear. I was yawning all day today – not sure why that was because I had an amazing sleep last night. I didn’t want to yawn too hard because I was afraid of the consequences for my ear – but then I was left feeling unsatisfied by my yawn and would continue to yawn more! It was a double edged sword!
Hopefully, one of these days I’ll get the hearing back in my ear. Until then, I will continue to sleep blissfully unaware of the children going potty, the cats terrorizing the house, the school alarm going off (across the street), the loud bassed cars driving by at 4:45 am, and finally… the garbage man! It was bliss waking up on Thursday morning NOT having heard the garbage man do a three point turn on our corner (with backing up alarms). Melodie 1 – Garbage man – 0.