I cannot believe the summer is almost over. The boys are back from Canada. They are starting school next week. On a Wednesday. Who does that? Since when does school start on a Wednesday? It’s quite annoying. They also have an early dismissal. ugh
According to everyone, the boys had an amazing time in Canada. I had a great summer and missed my boys terribly. However, they came back tanned and blonde (SUPER blonde!).
Things have been going good, I’m down-sizing my “things” and we are set to have a garage sale soon. I’ve got to get back into the habit of keeping this blog up to date. I was going through so much stress, it felt good to take a step back for a minute. It also feels like the right time to start writing again.
It seems I am in the trifecta of a poopy mood. My sciatica is THROBBING, it’s that time of the month and I’ve banged my hand in the same spot TWICE in two days. I think the boys can sense I am weak right now, because they’ve been relentless with me. They are like a predator hunting their prey. I feel as though I’ve done nothing but argue and yell at them for the past 3 days.
Of course, this is not completely single sided. They’ve been arguing and yelling at me for the past 3 days. I am so worn out I can barely write this. Right now, the boys are with their dad at Brody’s baseball game. I had to leave, I needed to spend a little time by myself – regrouping. And having a beer.
I don’t know how to resolve all the yelling. I don’t know where to find the energy the boys need me to have. My sciatica (which I never had until I got pregnant with them) takes all of my energy. I’m in constant pain – anyone who has chronic pain knows exactly what I’m talking about. It drains all of my energy, my patience (I’ll admit, I have very little patience to begin with), it runs me into the ground.
As an introvert, “me” time is fondly referred to as “I” time. I’m not gonna lie – I need a vacation! I need to lie on a deserted beach with a good book. For about 2 weeks. Uninterrupted. Except for the waiter … because someone needs to bring the drinks!
Did I mention we are going to Hawaii in July? Ooh… it must have slipped my mind! The boys were so upset they wouldn’t be coming with us, but they’ll be at their grandparents’ house by then – and honestly, that’s way more important than a silly ol’ trip to Hawaii!!
The rest of the kittens left yesterday. Honestly, I thought Minnie would be happy about it. The kittens were born on May 15th, so she’s spent quite a bit of time looking after them. I likened her to a stay at home mom whose children finally, FINALLY started first grade. She could finally sleep without being attacked; she could eat all she wanted; she didn’t have to constantly clean their butts. She would be living the good life! She’d accomplished something, she had babies – she experienced nursing, experienced motherhood! She could feel good about herself and move on to do macrame and take classes on worm composting and preparing healthier meals for her family.
That’s what I would do.
The crying started at about 5:30 am and has not stopped. She’s looked in all of their hiding places, she’s cried all day long. What do you do for a hormonal cat whose last baby has gone to a new home? Well, you book her for an appointment at the vet to be fixed, that’s what. I thought I would add more lemon juice to her very raw heart and have her ovaries removed so she had more to cry about. No no no.. I’m kidding! If I was really cruel, I’d have her declawed too.
I feel bad for Minnie, but I know what she’s going through. My kids have been in Canada since the end of June and while I’ve not spent entire days crying or searching for them in their hiding spaces, I have felt the lonlieness Minnie is feeling right now. My boys are having the time of their life with their grandparents. They are growing and gaining experiences that I could never provide for them. They are establishing an undeniable bond with my parents and creating memories that will live in their hearts and minds for the rest of their lives. These summers are something I will never take away from them or my family. But I miss them. I can’t help it.
I wonder if Minnie wants a glass of wine?
June came and went – kicking my butt in the process. I started two new classes, dropped my kids off in Canada with their suckers… err grandparents and had an amazing visit with friends and family while I was at it. Coming home was a different story.
During the trip home I managed to see Mom, Dad, Bob, Kristy, Auntie Di, Uncle John, Grandma Z, Grandma M, her boyfriend John, Jennifer, Riley, Harper, Tammy, Trevor, Tylynn (sp?), Taylor, a distant cousin of my mom’s and her two grandkids, Bernadette, David, Michaela (SP?), Ericka, Anastasia, SAM, SAM’s family, Robin, Jenae, Richard, Tracey, Matt, Carter, Brad, Anita, Anat, Raffi, Noah, Eva, and last but NOT least Maya. Sorry if I didn’t get to see you – it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I had an action packed week full of beautiful people! And it made me more homesick than I usually am.
I have an entire summer (give or take) to get the house in order and that is EXACTLY what I am going to do. First and foremost, I need to clean up the horrible clutter and crap that has magically accumulated since moving in in 2001. I want to clean the garage, do some planting in the backyard (or at least plan for the fall), and I want to touch up the paint. I want to hang out with friends and meet new people.
The past couple of weeks have been hard – not only was I physically exhausted, I was mentally pooped as well. Minnie and her babies have been exhausting (I just sighed while saying that). I have 2 kittens adopted out already and am hoping to get the other two into awesome homes as well. They are big now… and fluffy. Fluffy and big.
I was very overwhelmed in June, but things have calmed down. I have decided to make some changes in my life – big Big BIG changes. Those of you who know me – know when I am serious about something and I am SERIOUS about these changes. I need to get my life back on track for my sake and the sake of my boys. I’m going to do what Franklin Covey told me to do, make long term goals and break them up into short term, achievable goals. Then, I’m going to paste those goals on the fridge so they slap me in my face every single day. I love lists, I usually make them – then the list gets a stain from a glass (or beer), it gets soiled when drops of food fall onto it and serves as scratch paper when I’m trying to find out if the pen still works. This way, by pinning the list up ONTO something, it will stay protected. I might even laminate it.
I spent this past weekend in Vancouver visiting a friend. Over the course of the weekend, I discovered that I really don’t have much to talk about. I can carry on conversations if someone else brings up the topic. However, to start a new conversation with someone – well, that’s a completely different ball game.
I have two things that I can talk about. Divorce and children. If I want to be able to carry on intelligent conversations with adults I’m going to need more things to talk about. I told Laura (friend I came to visit) I feel completely uninteresting. I don’t know any gossip, I don’t read a lot of magazines or books (educational hazard), I don’t watch a lot of tv (again, in school – whose got the time?), and I don’t have a lot of friends. So… my entire conversational skills revolve around my divorce, my children, or algebra. Not exactly conversation starters.
As I walk along my current path this is one of those roadblocks that I will need to get around. I don’t know who I am anymore, all the words I used to describe myself no longer apply. I am a single mom – a newly single mom – I’m insecure, totally unconfident, and completely wrapped in my own misery. Alright, where do I start the line for people who’ll want to line up to talk to me?? Over to the left? Anyone??
I’m off to Vegas in a few weeks (YAY) and have decided that I’m going to spend some time researching and discovering who I am and what I like to talk about. I want to have actual topics in place so that I’m not out somewhere and completely unprepared for discussion. God I’m a dork. duh!
Alright, I think I’m finally ready to update this blog on a regular basis. The last two months of the year really proved to be the hardest in my life. But – with the new year brings change and I am really starting to feel more like myself. More like the person I was prior to being married. I had a great Christmas break, no school and a visit home to see family and friends was exactly what I needed. I start school on Monday and am looking forward to getting this year over (it’s half over so far).
I bought new tiles for the kitchen and a new faucet yesterday. It was an awesome feeling! I’m going to have new countertops put in (hence the tiles). I’ve been busy deep cleaning the house before school starts, I spent 3 hours in the bathroom. Yes, 3! It needed a deep clean, scrubbing and polishing really helps me work through some aggressions! I even recaulked the bathtub! Today, the new faucet will go in and I’m having a friend help me get a quote for new countertops.
Speaking of friends, (man this post is all over today) I have some of the best friends a girl could ask for. I feel so fortunate to have such awesome people in my life.
Okay, Christmas recap – over the break I went to Canada with the boys for Christmas. My brother had been yakking about Rockband since his birthday so I was anxious to give it a whirl. I have never had so MUCH FUN with a video game! I think I might have Carpel Tunnel from playing the guitar on “medium” rather than “easy.” I even sang and played the drums! Mom gave him an extra guitar for Christmas – so that becomes the bass guitar and I played that too! I don’t want to brag… but I did really well! I kept thinking “i could never buy Rockband – my homework would suffer!” Plus, if any of you have seen my house, it’s a little tiny bird’s nest – where would I keep the gear? We bought my brother the 2 guitar stand, he got a mic stand – we went on tour! He and his girlfriend are seasoned professionals at rockband – which was helpful!
The boys had a great time in Canada. It was fricken freezing! The day we got there it was -25 (without the windchill) and hovered around that temp until a couple days before we left. The warmest it got was -11 or so. The weather didn’t stop them from getting bundled up and helping their grandpa around the yard. I was encouraged to “get outside” but I’m a Canadian, I know what it feels like to get outside for an hour in the snow. Ya, no thanks! I was very happy to be inside reading or knitting.
I saw some friends while I was there, I had high hopes for seeing everyone – but it just didn’t work out. I was feeling a tad overwhelmed and unmotivated at times. I needed to veg out and relax. I’m going to try and plan another trip out when it’s warmer (because seriously, holy shit!) and have a big get together with EVERYONE.
I have a lot of plans for the first quarter of 2009. I’m heading to Vancouver to see a girlfriend in January then spending the first weekend of February with a girlfriend in Vegas. I might have plans to return to Vegas at the end of Feb, but I’ll have to see. I do want to head some place warm – but again, I’ll have to see. I’m hoping to use my work bonus for a proper vacation to a spot with sun. Anyone interested in coming with?
In general, my life is getting better. I’ve been eating on a regular basis again (thanks Mom!) and have thought about attending yoga on a regular basis (the last class I took kicked my ASS). I have positive thoughts for the future and am looking forward to the future. so YAY!!
I am not, however, looking forward to going back to work on Monday after being off for the past two weeks. ACK!
I am currently following the travels of a good friend as she roams the world. She is in Ontario right now and happened to catch a pre-season hockey game. The first question she asked on her blog was ‘did y’all catch the pre-season hockey game of the …” one team (probably canadian) against the other (probably american team). She commented on how exciting it was to watch the players bash each other into the boards, how exciting the fights were (hello! this is why we like hockey!). Then, she commented on how hard it was to follow the puck. hmmm… I’ve never had that problem. However, I am Canadian and was born with a hockey stick in my hand. It happens to be the first thing I look for. My comment on her blog was regarding how much us Canucks like pre-season hockey… especially when the playoff season has not ended and runs into the pre-season.
Christmas comes more than once per year!
I drove to work today because a co-worker was leaving and I promised I’d make heather’s grandmother’s lemon pound cake. I did NOT feel like lugging a 10 lb cake on BART (i know it says pound cake – for some reason it’s a 10 lb cake.) I do not like driving Michael’s truck, it’s enormous. The parking garages around work are for tiny hybrids – NOT big monstrous 4×4 trucks.
On the way in I heard a song by Brad Paisley called “out in the parking lot.” Now, if Brad were Canadian it would have been “ooot in the …” no I’m just kidding. Anyway, it reminded me of a weekend I’d spent with my girl Stacey a LONG time ago. We decided to spend the weekend at her mom’s house (in rural alberta). On a whim, we decided to stay in the actual house that her step-dad had grown up in. Once we arrived, her mom told us of a town dance a few kilometers away – so we decided to head over. The details are quite sketchy.
Here we were… two city girls – dressed to the 9’s and smokin hot – walkin in to this hicktown dance. I mean HICKtown. Those little cowboys didn’t know what hit em. We hadn’t even made it inside the hall and had already been offered some unknown alcoholic concoction out in the parkin’ lot. Stacey grimaced as I accepted a drink from a thermos and actually touched my lips to it! She was a real lady, letting em pour it right into her mouth (without touching her lips to anything.) I admit it, Stacey was more sophisticated than I was. After all, I grew up in a town of about 75 or so – what did I care about germs?
As I said, I don’t remember a lot from that night. I do remember that most small town dances only offer the absolute worst and cheapest hooch they can get their mitts on. I also remember not buying a drink OR sitting down the entire night. Stacey was a much better dancer than I was, she was in a Ukranian folk dance group and had practice dancing and “spotting” so that she didn’t get dizzy. She could also handle her licquor better – especially cheap hooch. It was Stacey that drove the back roads to get us home, it was me that had my head out the door the entire time – telling her to “slow down for christ’s sake.” Meanwhile, we were probably only doing 10 kms.
When we arrived at the house her dad grew up in, we were surprised to find out that we needed to figure out how to heat the place, etc. It was a great weekend even though we froze. That was the weekend I discovered “Mary Margaret O’Hara” and found out what great artists her parents were. I love Stacey, always have. When I first met her, she intimated the heck out of me. She has long gorgeous (natually curly) hair. Her makeup is always perfect and she has beautiful skin. How can you not be intimated? For more years than I can remember – she was my best friend. We lived together, we drank and danced together, we braved cold Canadian nights to see bands. I could tell her anything, she treated me like her sister (neither of us had a sister… but I think we really did well in figuring it out). We really did share the best times together. We always laughed, she was way more serious and responsible than I was. I loved hanging out with her friends, I spent so many winters at the Ukranian hall eating pierogies and drinking vodka. I can’t tell you how many nights we spent at the Strathcona hotel ordering “tables of beer.” She helped shape me as a young woman. We’ve supported each other through the loss of family members, lovers and other friends. She is the type of friend that you may not speak to in a few months, but you both fall easily back into a rhythm and it’s like you’ve talked to each other every day.
It’s amazing how music can bring a person right back to a moment. Brad’s song wasn’t out at the time, but hearing that song brought me right back to that hicktown dance 15 years ago. With that memory came all the memories of my friendship with Stacey. I love music.
Brody is so full of sugar right now that he’s singing all of his sentences. Evan was playing with our portable dvd player and Brody was singing “he’s not supposed to be playing with the dvd.. he’s not supposed to be playing with the dvd…” over and over.
Brody gets really goofy when he’s pumped full of sugar. He’ll repeat his sentences over and over – he’ll sing and giggle. It’s really sweet. Then.. if you don’t keep the sugar coming he turns really really mean. Really mean. My dad loves to feed brody junk food and figures there aren’t any consequences. heh heh… It should be an enlightening summer for grandpa.
Meanwhile, Michael is gassing us out and brody is singing “daddy is stinky daddy is stinky – oh yeah!”
We got a late start on Friday, not leaving home until about 10:00 am. This was okay with both of us because we didn’t want to forget anything and we didn’t want to be rushed. The trip began with excitement and anxiousness – we were excited! Then, the afternoon came. Fast and furious. We were in Fernley, Nevada and decided to stop at the Walmart because I needed a bandaid (long story) and we were hungry. Walmart had a subway!! As we were walking in to the store we were greeted with a sign that said “Gourmet Sushi.” I like adventures, but I doubt there would have been many takers on gourmet sushi from a Walmart in the middle of Nevada. If you’ve never driven through northern Nevada, well I compare it to a hidden wasteland. There isn’t a stitch of water to be found anywhere. The landscape is barren and full of native (aka drought resistant) plants. I’m quite confident that any “sushi” within the walmart could not be for human consumption. Not this human anyway.
The boys quickly lost the excitement for the journey and turned our road trip into a nightmare. I can’t really blame them – they are young boys strapped into a car seat all day. Boys who are used to running around and playing with their friends. I tried to get them to play together, but that ended up in fights. We stopped in Elko (a real hotspot in northern Nevada) for the night because Michael and I had had enough. I can only take so much whining. They both have this way of starting sentences with “momma…” in a particular tone that makes me want to rip my ears off my head. A few months ago I’d had conversations with both of the boys’ teachers at school about the whining. Both teachers said “they don’t whine, in fact, they communicate quite well.” This is a classic case where the parents end up getting the short end of the stick. I love my boys, more than life itself. But the whining. Dear god.
I am putting a certain husband on a strict diet for road trips. Between the whining and his intestinal gases…. I’m considering my options for transportation. There have been times when I’d have rather been on a greyhound bus in the middle seat with no a/c. You know, just for the peace and quiet.
Oh and we woke up this morning and Brody’s tooth was loose!! On one hand, it made me very excited for him – he’s been giving me daily teeth updates on his classmates. On the other hand, I’m sad my little boy is growing up. This is a sure sign that he’s a big boy – and the tooth fairy will most likely visit him at his grandma’s house!! I know there will be other teeth, other chances for the tooth fairy to come to our house – but it’s his first tooth! I’m glad his grandpa and grandma are going to be a part of “The great toothus exodus of 2008!” We are currently driving through Idaho and should be in Butte Montana by 4:30 – no way, that’s Pacific time – so around 5:30.
The boys have just had a snack from Chevron (I’m getting the mother of the year award this year) and are experiencing boundless energy. In the back of the car. With no where to run. We’ll be stopping for lunch and shenanigans soon.